How the Church Can Stand Against Domestic Violence

I wish I could tell you that domestic violence doesn’t exist in a place that should be safe; like church.

How can this be?

When I was young, I was naïve to the fact that abuse could exist in the church community. “No way!” I thought; until I experienced it first-hand.

Domestic violence brought a rude awakening to my life. Ripping me apart and bringing me to my lowest as a woman.

How could such hatefulness and evil exist in a place of peace? Throughout time, I have realized that not all who are sitting on the benches at church come with a sincere heart.

Domestic violence is not a new thing. This hurtful and evil epidemic actually is as old as time. Throughout the Bible, we read stories of abuse and its consequences. We learn of innocent women who were sexually abused and their voices silenced.

We also see that abuse does not start right off the bat. It is a slow process.

Let me take you through scripture and introduce to you, Dinah. Now Dinah was the daughter of Jacob and Leah. According to the Torah, Dinah was of a young age when she was sexually assaulted by a Shechem, son of Hamor. The Bible says that when Shechem raped her he fell in love with her. He then ran to his father, Hamor and told him, “Do all you can to get Dinah as my wife.”

If we continue to read in Genesis 34, we see Jacob’s sons plot against Shechem and his people. Jacob’s sons trick Shechem agreeing they would give their sister to Shechem so long as they would get circumcised to seal the agreement. Needless to say, Shechem and all the men of the village agreed to the terms laid before them.

On the third night of their extreme pain, Jacob’s sons came and killed all the men, looted the town and took whatever they wanted from the village. When Dinah’s brothers returned home they told their father, Jacob, “Nobody is going to treat our sister like a whore and get away with it.

Domestic violence doesn’t start right off the bat. It is a slow process. It takes time to start the cycle of gaslighting and dependence.

In the Bible, we see yet another example of abuse. In Scripture, we read of a courageous young man who killed Goliath, his name was David. When he killed Goliath, King Saul was impressed by this young man. I mean wow!… this young kid just killed Goliath, the giant who was bullying the people of Israel. So, King Saul takes him to live in his kingdom, to never go back to David’s house.

In an abusive relationship, an abuser will isolate his victim from her family and friends; these are people who can help the victim. The abuser knows this, so if he can isolate their partner and control her, he will start the endless cycle of abuse.

If we continue to read on, we see that King Saul isolated David from his home. But as time passed by, King Saul’s heart was filled with jealousy. See, David was admired by the people and this didn’t sit well with King Saul. Jealousy brought King Saul to plot the killing of David. One day, King Saul threw his sword at David which barely missed him. Needless to say, David went in hiding as King Saul tried to hunt him down.

I included this story as an example that domestic violence starts slow, a cycle. The victim gets lost in the abusive cycle trying to please the abuser. But she will never be able to meet his expectations.

Three women die every day at the hands of their abusers. Some of these women stay due to fear, yet end up losing their lives. Others are hunted down and killed.

A couple of weeks ago a young man in a church mentioned that I shouldn’t speak of abuse, that it was a waste of time. That he wanted to go to church to learn about God but not about abuse.

Needless to say, I was completely baffled! The God I know hates abuse. He hates domestic violence.

He does not want to see his daughters hurt. The God I know wants the church to speak and stand against domestic violence. He wants His daughters and children to be safe!

So, what do we do as a church community? Will we hide our light? Shall we ignore the pain and hopelessness of the innocent?

As a church, what do we say to a victim of domestic violence who comes out seeking help? Do we ignore it? Do we tell her, “Well, go pray and keep working at it.” or “What did you do to cause this?”

A protector does not hurt that which he is protecting. God said,” Husbands love your wives, as I have loved the church. God loves His church. He is not an abusive God; He loves us so much that He gave His son Jesus to die on the cross for you and me.

Maybe you are wondering what the church can do? How do we help a victim of abuse in the church?

According to Lifeway Research, who conducted a study of 1,000 pastors, say that:

According to Detective Sgt. Don Steward, a retired police officer says, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within the marriage.

It breaks my heart to know there are couples who experience this in silence in the church community. They live this way justifying their spouse’s behavior.

Christ has called the church, “To open the eyes of the blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.” Isaiah 42: 7

So, how can we as a church help those who sit in the darkness of domestic violence? How do we help those who hurt in silence?

These are just a few examples of how we as a church can be more active and stand for victims of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It also includes sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. It has no respect for gender, financial status, or religion.

Today, you and I can make a difference to the many who need our help. We can be more informed of domestic violence, be a support to our local organizations, bring awareness of this dark epidemic in our neighborhoods, and start a proactive group in our church community.

We can be a light and bring hope to victims of domestic violence.

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