My Love life

First let me start off with saying I know nothing about blogging. This is my first, but I wanted to start writing and just putting everything out there. I’m hoping this helps me personally but also other people. I hope people can laugh, learn, and cry with me, that’s what life’s all about.

Now back to my love life. Every relationship I have been in since my very first one in middle school things always end badly. That alone has made me scared to love and put my heart on my sleeve but yet I keep doing it. The one person that has really changed all of that is Quentin. I met him in 8th grade. He went to another school close to mine and we were “rival” schools, so I never gave him the time of day. Forward to after high-school we ended up re-connecting on a dating site. He asked me if I would like to go on a date after talking for a few weeks so I said sure lets give it a go. Needless to say I fell in love the moment I got in his car and really looked at him face to face. I didn’t know what it was about him but this guy just seemed different. The date went amazing, ended up staying with him the same night. It was honestly like heaven. We dated for a long time, finally got our own place together and life was perfect.

So a girl that’s always been afraid of getting hurt because of past experiences with terrible relationships is finally in a perfect spot with somebody that loves her so much and unconditionally. Well I started to get scared because why wouldn’t something so great just end again like all the others… I ended up making the worst mistake ever. I cheated. With only one person but multiple times. While I would go see the other guy in the back of my mind I always asked myself what the hell I was doing. Why would I do this, I knew I would only end up making “fate” happen again and loose another great relationship. Well to add to my fighting mind and heart I got pregnant. I luckily knew it was Quentin’s. I knew 100%. I felt so bad about what I had did to him though I told him I had cheated and he lost it. I could see how much I had broken him the moment I had told him. We didn’t last and he would never believe the baby was his so we broke up, I moved out all while going through a pregnancy alone.

Now lets fast forward again. It’s September 22, 2016 and I am in the hospital, just gave birth to an amazing baby boy. The moment I seen him all my thoughts were confirmed he was Quentin’s son. He looked just like him. I told Quentin but he of course wanted a paternity test so for the first two months of our sons life I was a single mother living with my father working and being a mom. That’s all I did was go to work and come home to my son. Finally we got the test results back and sure enough he was Quentin’s boy. Once he found out he said he forgave me. He said sorry for everything and as did I. The first night we started talking again I brought our son over to see him for the very first time when he was 2 months old. He fell in love with him. Everything seemed so perfect. We ended up dancing to our old song in the living room while Hunter (our son) slept. It was like something in a movie but it was my life. I was so grateful to be given a second chance to make things right with him. So I moved back in with him in our old place. We raised hunter for the next two years and then BAMM!!!

My life falls apart.

Again.

Quentin starts acting different and distant and finally comes out and tells me he doesn’t feel the same towards me. That even though it had been 3 years since I had cheated on him he just couldn’t get over it and that he didn’t think it would work out. Three years later and I’m getting punished for something I had put behind me, never to think of or do again. I had changed. I would never cheat on anyone nor did I condone cheating from friends on their partner. I absolutely despised even the idea of “cheating”. But none of that mattered because he couldn’t get it out of his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. I begged him over and over to stay. We went through this for about three weeks on and off trying to decide what to do. Me begging for him to keep trying and not give up on me and our family we had created. I knew he would always be a great father and be there but I wanted to be a family. I didn’t want our family split up and I did not want to loose him. I had thought things were going so well but I was blind sided. After about 4 weeks of going through this with him I finally accepted it and told him I would try my best to be a good friend and co-parent. He though decided he didn’t want to leave after all. Once I accepted him leaving, a miracle happened and he decided to stay and try just one more time for our relationship……

It went a little rocky. I was still so hurt from finding out he had felt different than I had thought. But we are slowly starting to make it through. Were finding the reason we had fell in love four years ago. Its honestly feeling better than it ever did. We both have learned a lot and have looked into our selves a lot from all of this.

Now after reading my mistakes and my trials. I want you to learn from it. I want everyone to know to never give up. There have been multiple times that I could have given up on Quentin and him on me, but we didn’t. We both have kept trying through these 4 years at everything life has thrown our way. Sure we took a little break but we needed it. Sure we had a lot of really really really hard, hardships but we needed it. Iv learned it all happened for a reason. I needed to look in on myself and change some things. I needed to love myself to be able to love him like I had before and he needed to see me differently. He needed to see that I would do and give anything for him and our family. We needed to go through everything to learn how much we meant to one another. So long story short. Do not give up. On anything. You will find in the end how it’s supposed to turn out. And please for the love of god, if you love someone with all of your heart do not go behind their back and do not cheat on them. Even if you are starting to fall out of love with someone sit down and talk with them. Do not cheat on anyone. Do not lie to anyone. And don’t give up. Life seems long but it is to short to loose love and amazing moments.

Signing off,

-M

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