The 5 Lessons I Learned in 2018

My favorite book I have ever read is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. One of Dr. Frankl’s lessons that still resonates with me to this day is his comparison of two elderly men. Details elude me now, but Dr. Frankl describes one old man who wakes up one morning realizing how old he is and how many days, months, and years have passed by him. On the other hand, Dr. Frankl then describes an equally old man who looks at those days, months, and years passed differently. In Frankl’s mind this second man has each day with its highs, lows, and lessons safely tucked away in his memory. It’s as if this man could pull out any given day from a filing cabinet with gratitude for what happened that day, what memories were created, and what he learned. While those days are behind him just as they are for the first elderly man, this gentleman has greater peace knowing his past is helping him better savor the present.

It’s not so much the passage of time that scares us, but the feeling that we didn’t take advantage of the time that has passed us. Time in our rearview mirror that contains lessons learned, emotions experienced, and friendships made is just as valuable as the present or the sand still in the top of the hour glass. With that, here are the lessons I learned in 2018:

I accomplished a major task and life goal this year: publishing my first book, Next Gen Leadership. There were so many challenges from the complicated topic of leadership to the many failures along the way to the sheer volume of the book. The final manuscript tallies nearly 40,000 words, longer than all of my college papers combined. While it’s the content rather than the length that I hope touches the next generation of leadership, I look back on the journey with pride at having finished such a long, demanding project.

I actually rebuilt the entire book in August of last year from chapter 1, page 1 onward. I realized the book wasn’t reading in a conversational manner how I wanted it to read. It was certainly frustrating starting over, but I realized that this was setback was just a step in the process. As the new manuscript came together, incorporating the best of the previous with new, fresh ideas, I began to appreciate the product that the process was producing for me. What’s most important though is that as I look back, no one day of writing sticks out to me. This major accomplishment came from the accumulation of small goals attained each day. It came from getting just a little bit better, a little bit closer, a little bit more confident each day. The days I remember most vividly are the days I got after it when I didn’t feel like it, just adding a few hundred words a day at a time, getting 1 or 2% closer. After 5 of those days, I found myself 3 interviews, 3,000 words, and 2 chapters closer. That major success on November 28th, 2018 came from little successes each day over time. It can certainly be frustrating having to progress so slowly, but that process it what produced the product I can stand behind with pride.

In 2019, I am going to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and getting 1% closer to my goals each day. I have so many talented friends and leaders in my life with remarkable goals. I hope this lesson of patience and persistence serves you well on your way to your goals in this new year.

My first interview for Next Gen Leadership was an absolute disaster. I’m not exaggerating, it was clear from about 2 minutes in that this gentleman had much better things to be doing. I could tell he thought my questions were leading us nowhere and that I hadn’t prepared well enough. In reality, I had researched this man for two hours, reviewing all of his online content and LinkedIn information to prepare.

I hung up the phone after 15 minutes of pure agony in this interview and immediately called my dad. I told him how awful this interview had been and if I needed to do at least another 30 of them for this book, that maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this project. As he always does, my dad calmed me down and got me back on my horse. I had another interview in 2 hours and my dad helped me realize this failure was just a step in the process. I had to forget about this interview and prepare for the next one or else it too would be a failure. As it turns out, my next interview was with Julie Winkle-Giulioni whose interview was among the best of the 50 I did and her story forms the backbone of Chapter 4 in the Next Gen Leadership.

I learned such an important lesson that day that failure is inevitable, but defeat is optional. The mark of true passion, persistence, and leadership is finding a way to turn humiliating defeats into stepping stones and lessons learned. No matter how well you prepare, bad things are going to happen. I prepared well for each interview, but sometimes they just don’t go your way. I learned to take something positive from each interview so the next one could be better.

For all of my friends pursuing major goals this year, remember that failure is inevitable, but defeat is optional. Even in the most humiliating, frustrating situations, there’s always something positive to take away with you and learn from.

I had a lot of trying times this year and on many occasions when the going really got tough, I just felt like giving up. In those times, I learned that my Why, what I describe in Chapter 2 as the Greater Purpose of your leadership, is the strongest asset to fall back on. For me, it was Nomi and Jess Hunter and Trudy, Doris, and Alfred Tiedemann, my grandparents and late aunt for whom Next Gen Leadership is dedicated. My mom’s maiden name, Hunter, is where my first name comes from.

Even though I never met them, I know that if they saw what their lives have made possible for me, graduating from Loyola High as a member of the Cum Laude Society, attending Georgetown, double majoring in Economics and Government, writing my first book, they would feel pride knowing every last ounce of effort was worth it. In the lives they lived and the legacy they leave behind, I found the strength to press on through these challenges this year.

This year, I hope we all identify our inner why, our Greater Purpose that guides our conscience, powers our drive, and fill our heart. For some of you, it’s your children. For others of us, it’s our parents or grandparents. Perhaps it’s a close friend, coworker, roommate, or teammate. Most importantly, I hope we all take the time to let those people know how much they guide our conscience, power our drive, and fill our heart.

Last fall, it wasn’t uncommon for me to think about dropping the book altogether at least once a week. It wasn’t because there was too much work left to be done or that it was just too difficult, all of those challenges had already been overcome. I had already written the darn thing, all I had to do was design a cover, market the book, and publish it. But something was still standing in my way: fear.

No longer would my manuscript be just a file on my computer. No longer would the interviews be private. No longer would the lessons in the book be just my leadership guide, they would become available for everyone else. I was opening myself and a year’s worth of the most challenging work I’ve ever done up to criticism.

Ultimately, I published Next Gen Leadership and as I look back on that decision, I’ve reflected on what allowed me to overcome that fear of criticism and failure. I made a decision to write this book a long time ago and I had overcome far too many hurdles to not press publish now. Not only had I overcome those hurdles and the fear that came with them, I had grown throw those experiences. To quit now would be to lose out on that growth as well. I decided it would be better to publish, receive criticism, and grow than to keep all the work I had done in its cozy little file on my computer.

This year, I’m going to look at the challenges in front of me as opportunities to grow even if that growth involves uncomfortability. Nothing worth doing will be void of fear or setbacks. In fact, the presence of fear and setbacks lets you know you’re on a worthy path. This year, I hope you overcome whatever fear stands in the way of your goal by looking at that fear as a chance to grow.

I learned not to take myself too seriously this year and enjoy a good laugh. I had my share of LOLs this year, not the least of which came from this project. I had an interview with Michael Teoh, one of Malaysia’s top leadership coaches, scheduled for 10 am one morning last spring. About 9:45 that night I set my alarm for the next morning and went to take a shower. However, I forgot to confirm whether 10 am meant 10 am in Kuala Lumpur or 10 am in Washington, D.C. The next thing I know I come back from my shower and a Google Hangout call pops up on my computer… Michael meant 10 am his time, 10 pm my time and I was butt naked. We look back on that interview with a good laugh and it’s one of my fondest memories from the whole project. I realized sometimes a good laugh is necessary to help ground us in what’s really important in life: quality relationships and quality memories.

Often times, a good laugh leads us to another great emotion, gratitude. When we laugh, we acknowledge some of the ironies around us and recognize life is a gift beyond the goals we pursue each day. Laughter is our best guard against the abrasiveness and challenges of life. I am convinced that it is impossible to be happy if one does not live with gratitude. I know this because I lived ungrateful for quite some time in my life, laser focused on my goals with no perspective for how lucky I was.

This year, I hope you all enjoy some great laughs with the quality people who bring you gratitude.


I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and I hope 2019 brings you growth, strength, friendships, and a lot of laughs.

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