What Have You Done For Me Lately?

We value loyalty as long as it’s convenient for us to do so

Horror Week

IMHOTEP STOOD AT THE WINDOW, watching the Rolls Royce pass the gates of his estate and turn onto the dusty roads of Cairo. He dropped the curtain, settled into his easy chair and poured a Sakara beer to drown his sorrows.

Anck Su Namun hadleft him, and after all he’d done for her. He stood between her and Pharaoh’s wrath when he stumbled upon them making love in the palace gardens. Was it his fault that, once he was dead, Pharaoh disposed of her anyway?

And then, while she lay in her tomb, Imhotep stood watch, protecting her from grave robbers, thieves, and other vermin who would violate her before she sailed into the afterlife. When archeologists looted her tomb and removed her body for study, it was he, Imhotep, who killed them all and found the scroll to restore her to her original form.

How did she repay him? By clubbing all night, spending her daytime hours on Twitter, and running away with the first millionaire who proposed. Was it Imhotep’s fault that the spell which restored her to the flesh would only work once?

Worse was her cruel farewell when he begged her not to leave after the millennia he’d served her. She stood there in her tight skirt with low-cut neckline, shamefully revealing the swell of her breasts for all manner or man and beast to see. “What can I say?” she said to him. “I’m a modern girl, and you’re a riches to rags kind of guy.”

Reviews:*

Steven King: Think Dante meets the Road Runner.
Terry Pratchett: I could never make torture this funny.
Douglas Addams: The one book I’m keeping in the afterlife.

*Not to be confused with popular authors of the same names.

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